Breakdown Or Breakthrough?

At times in life, we don’t get a 30-day notice period. The words and the news comes to you with a bang. And that is it. For a fraction of second, life looks like an electric switch, there was power in it a second before and now, it is no more there. A second before, the entire system was running under your nose; it could not do without you but now, you have been asked to leave. Just leave.

I wonder if happenings like these, whether they occur at our workplace or at home, make up recipe for our emotional breakdowns or breakthroughs. I am into my mid thirties now and have encountered few alike real instances. When the contents of the happenings would sink into me, I would go numb. I would not speak, nor see, nor feel, nor listen, and for sure not respond. My whole body would slow down and take its own time to absorb something that is unexpected unpleasant un-understandable alien to it. Then after few minutes, I would physically collapse as if there is some sort of inertia working on my mind making it do nothing but letting its physical counter-part move ahead due to the heavy force experience called mental breakdown. For those few seconds, I may be into sobs but there a rational part of my mind watching, as if from someplace on the ceiling, thinking and trying hard to make me believe “It has happened to you. It has already happened. You will have to handle this. You can handle it.” Such are the worst moments of my life.

I get confused if we need take the life harshest moments as the worst or rather the best moments. It’s not that they can be the best because we feel great at that time. But with a little of hindsight, we can see that the horrible crisis that has happened was exactly needed to break out of some kind of misery we have been living in and break through it towards something better. It be our work life, relationships, parenting problems, mess of religious systems, we need change. Like horses with blinders on, we never care to see that there can possibly be different path available to us in life. So we keep plodding along, with our inner selves fuzzed and zest for life fizzled along with it.

Instead of mourning over it or analysis them too much, we must try to take not-so-good-and-hurting happenings of life as signals from the universal. Universe is constantly helping us grow. An incidence has taken place because your existence was getting suffocated in its present and needed to grow out of it. The relationships need a new meaning, work profiles need a revamp, children need your friendships, spouse needs intimacy, clients need greater and so on and on. Universe would create an opportunity for you to C-H-A-N-G-E and evolve and for some to L-E-A-V-E and move on.

When we see everything in life is falling apart despite you working hard with people and things, it should be clear that there should be no going back from here. The only way out from such breakdowns can be passing through. At such times in life, one fails to totally understand one’s own emotions. One would love what one hates and one may hate what one loves. Personally, I figured out a way to deal with breakdowns. First, consider oneself as ‘dead’ with the breakdown. It’s like holding on to the belief that the bad happened to me in a previous life and not now. Now is a new life with a new mental and physical ME. Second, go for a irreversible “change” with self and equation with everything else in life. With the change that humiliating experience had brought along, I am a “New Me”. It only happened because sometimes things have to fall apart in order to fall together and fit well forever.

Finding our paths out of breakdowns isn’t easy. It pains. We feel hopeless and miserable. Breakthroughs can only happen after we traverse the whole black long tunnel of breakdowns. When, with the best of our human tendencies, we fail to take any more of it, the breakdowns make us “Let It Go”. So that our lives can try something different now.

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